Saturday, April 4, 2009

Top 5 Worst Pick-Up Lines I Have Received

5. This particular event happened six years ago at the Design District club Poplife. I was talking to a friend with a drink in hand when a young man approached me and asked my name. I admit: I thought he was attractive and welcomed the question. I reciprocated by asking his name - big mistake.

“I’m the devil,” he responded.
“I’m the devil.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me.” Then I asked, “If you’re the devil, why didn’t you know my name?”

He didn’t have a clever response and continued insisting he was the devil. It was ridiculous. Plus, every time I tried to politely escape, he continued shooting off the mouth about this and that and about being the devil and blah blah blah. Needless to say, the cuteness factor wore off quickly.

4. Once, during my high school years, a friend and I were driving around Kendall and noticed a young man in the car next to us trying to catch our attention. He yelled, drove erratically and made goofy faces. After a couple of minutes of his shenanigans, we lost sight of him and assumed he drove off.

But that wasn’t the case.

We continued driving and hit a red light two or three minutes later. As we waited for the light to turn green, we noticed that same guy's car behind us. Well, guess what he did next? He got out of the car, walked over to us and began hitting on us both. Apparently, he thought it was a perfectly normal thing to do in the middle of 107th avenue.

I remember the event vividly because he was wearing a skin tight silver shirt. The color and material looked like something that would suit a stripper. Obviously, not a shy or insecure young man.

3. One day I was shopping in Dadeland Mall and entered a store that sold gag gifts and other random objects. As I was looking at a board game, one of the employees approached me and started tapping me on the shoulder.

“You look like someone who’s easily annoyed,” he told me and continued tapping me on the shoulder.

I didn’t respond and stared at him in disbelief. He wouldn’t stop tapping me and continued for another minute until I couldn't take it anymore.

"Can you please stop doing that!?"

He finally stopped and responded with, "Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't mean anything by that."

He looked at me blankly for a moment, made a sad 'puppy dog' face and then tried to hug me. But I swiftly pushed him away and walked out of the store.

2. Two years ago a friend dragged me to a club in the Grove that played Salsa and Power 96 type of music, which is a form of torture for me. I made the best of it though and bought myself a drink and started dancing.

After a while, two guys approached us and one asked me to dance while the other started talking to my friend. I politely declined and told him I had a boyfriend. It was a lie but I was trying to be as nice as possible.

"Well, I have a girlfriend. That doesn't mean we can't dance," he replied.

I wasn't sure what to say next and proceeded to lie again - big mistake.

"My boyfriend is downstairs and will be coming up at any moment."
"My girlfriend is downstairs, too. Come on, let's just dance until they arrive."

The guy just wouldn't take a hint.

So, we stood facing each other for a few seconds saying nothing until he grabbed my arm and pulled me towards him to initiate dancing. The move was fairly aggressive because it moved me six steps away from where I was at. At that point, I couldn't take it anymore and told him, "Look, I just don't want to dance with you."

"It's your loss," he responded. "It's your loss."

1. [A two for one special!] About a year ago I was at the club Circa 28 when a complete stranger kicked me in my calf muscle. I thought it was just some drunken idiot who lost his balance and was expecting an apology. But I didn't receive one.

"I can't believe that guy didn't even apologize for accidentally kicking me,"I complained to my friend.
"It wasn't accident," she said.
"That guy was checking you out from the moment you walked in here. I saw him come behind you. I thought it was to talk to you... I guess he thought it was a good way to get your attention."
"Damn, what next?"- famous last words. "Come on, let's go upstairs."

So we went upstairs and I started to dance while my friend decided to sit and chill. Less than a minute later, a different drunk guy accidentally bumped into me and almost made me fall over. He took that graceless maneuver as an opportunity to start hitting on me. His breath smelled like stale beer and cigarettes and he was covered in sweat.

That night, in the span of five minutes, I had been pushed and kicked by two different guys. It gave new meaning to being 'hit on'. Apparently, some desperate young men are turning to cavemen tactics.


  1. Oh this is hilarious! Men never seize to amaze me with their antics with the opposite sex. :D I have heard some bad ones, but I think you take the cake in this one. XD

    I can tell you another type of story, the best shoot down I've ever heard. A friend of mine was at a club when this young man started to chat her up. After a while she called him by his name and continued: "Don't you remember me?" He didn't but wondered if they'd slept together or something. She goes: "No, but I've seen your willy regardless. I've changed your diapers a few times when you were little." You can probably imagine his face, eh? :D

  2. here are some pick up lines i found in some movies...